I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or agirlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and knowthat he is or will be the father of my babies.I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though thatgenetic defect eventually changed me in ways that wasdifferent from what I would have liked my body to change.I also feel the hurt and anger of others. Some of usconstantly lash out way out of proportion to the situation.Some of us want to do violence because of our pain. Theirpain is my pain. I feel my sister?s pain because mydaughter lashed out at her inappropriately.And most of society won?t let us get the peace that HRT andSRS would give us. We didn?t choose this way our. I check the men out before I let them into my network with my girls. It’s all very controlled and legitimate. Listen I have to go now, but you think about it. Why don’t you come over to my house for lunch tomorrow?” When Sung Hee arrived at Carol’s for lunch the next day, Carol had a pitcher of mojitos ready. Sung Hee took a long draw from her glass. It was cold and tart and she could taste the alcohol in the drink. It tasted good. Carol took pride in making excellent and tasty cocktails. Carol had poached salmon and pear salad ready on the table. They chatted about the bankruptcy of nearby San Bernadino, the price of gasoline, the difficulty finding good domestic help, and their kids’ schools. After Carol picked up the lunch dishes she suggested, “Sung Hee, let’s fire up a little weed. After talking about how the world’s falling apart, I feel the need to take the edge off. How about it?” “Sounds good, Carol.” Sung Hee and Carol often smoked weed together. Along with alcohol, it.
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